1.20.2004

The Kerry Administration?

Alisa made a comment yesterday that got me thinking about what the Kerry administration would look like if it ever did take power... so I present to you without any further ado, a look into the future: The John "Skeletor" Kerry Team.

President John "Skeletor" Kerry
Lord of darkness, keeper of that cool staff with the jackalope on it. Wants power, control, and the death of He-Man... and probably isn't much of a Dolph Lundgren fan either. Rules the country with an iron fist from his evil fortress of doom, but really isn't a bad guy once you get to know him, and has a very reasonable fiscal policy.

Vice President Trapjaw
Picture this: a close spending bill needs four votes to pass. Who better to squeeze those last few deciding Democratic votes in the House than a guy who can threaten to bite your arm off? This guy's a keeper, folks.

Secretary of State Beast-Man
The toy had real fake fur. He's so cuddly. But look at those teeth, man! Bad language skills and that raw-meat breath are a downer for those diplomatic meetings, but then, who really wants to be locked in the Roosevelt Room with this guy? All our enemies will cave.

Secretary of Defense Spikor
The dude's got spikes! If Secretary of State Beast-Man doesn't scare the living bejeezus out of those darn French, this guy sure will, because what's scarier than a pointy guy? I'll tell you what... Nothing!

Attorney General Triklops
You won't get away with any of that drug trafficking behind this guy's back, because he's literally got eyes in the back of his head. And they shoot lasers and stuff! The Bush administration doesn't have an AG who can shoot lasers, now, do they?

Secretary of the Interior Mer-Man*
Nobody enforces the Clean Water Act like a guy who has to live in it. No wonder that Little Mermaid was so anxious to get out of the water and marry a human... geez. This guy's ugly.
*No relation to Ethel Merman... we think.

Secretary of the Treasury Stinkor
Okay, this doesn't really make sense, but the dude just makes things stink. He's kind of a one-trick pony. And like those annoying ex-Senators who got voted out of office, you have to put him somewhere in the Cabinet. Treasury'll give him the least opportunity to stink things up.

So there you have it, folks... the John "Skeletor" Kerry Team! They'll beat the pants off of Bush in '04, and then move on to take over Eternia, France, and anywhere else that gets in our way! Unilateral this, Commies!

Images ganked from this place. If they've got a problem with it, they should let me know and I'll take them down. But I like 'em, so I hope I don't have to do that.

posted by jimmy at 23:17 - Read comments here!

Scary but true

Scary but True #1: Read this Boondocks cartoon from January 20. I'll leave you folks to mull that image over in your heads yourselves.

Scary but True #2: I think the job I interviewed for two Thursdays ago is a no-go, since they haven't really gotten in contact with me since, and I don't know whether it's etiquette to call the people you interviewed with after you interview to see if you've got the job. The thing is, this job was what I needed... I'm so busy this quarter that I need something that will have a great deal of flexibility as to hours, where I can do things quickly and efficiently as I do them and work at my own pace rather than having set hours where I have to be there. And this job offered those things. Alas, I'm going to probably have to work at some money-making place of business now, where I'll have shifts I have to be at, where they probably won't look too kindly on me taking a weekend off every month to visit my special lady, or time off during the week to film things for class, or any of that. Well, better get used to it, I guess. Stinkin' money. Why do I have to need it?

Scary but True #3: John Kerry and that thing atop his head posing as hair have won the Iowa caucus. At least Edwards, who's a pretty stand-up guy, won second, and Gephardt's out, which can only be good news for the 80's, because it called and wants Dick Gephardt's hair back. Why are many of my major comments about the Democratic primary about candidates' hair? I need to cut back on the Queer Eye, methinks.

Scary but True #4: It's 2:45am on a school night, and I'm still up. I need to do something about the insomnia.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Ohhhh, I crack me up.

posted by jimmy at 02:28 - Read comments here!

1.16.2004

Liberal media, huh?

posted by jimmy at 21:27 - Read comments here!

It is a momentous occasion indeed.

For the first time in the last three years, I have agreed with two - TWO - of President Bush's plans in the same week.

First, there was the plan to offer guest-worker status to undocumented immigrants in the US. I called for this several months ago. Bush just proposed it in order to try to win California (it's not going to work, by the way.) The ultraconservatives, apparently forgetting that unless they have Native American blood, they too are the descendants of immigrants, immediately jumped down his throat for this; I think that it's going to have to be coupled with a strict enforcement regime in order to work, because otherwise we'll have people hiring new illegals who aren't "guest workers" in order to not have to change conditions. At least now the current undocumented immigants will be able to complain and try to bring government action against abusive employers without fear of deportation. I guess it's wishful thinking to pretend that this is the start of a new labor initiative on GWB's part, huh.

The second thing I agree with President Bush on is the expansion of NASA, the establishment of a permanent outpost on the Moon, and a manned trip to Mars. While I don't think GWB got - or deserved - the Kennedy-esque recognition he wanted for this initiative (it was too blatantly political to work), we should look past the misguided reasons behind the move (additional defense contracts for companies in Florida and Texas, two major sources of electoral votes) and see the idea by its own merits. For the past thirty-five years, mankind has had no frontiers left to conquer; there is something human, something God-given, about the desire to explore, to expand, to go further.

What I propose, to at least silence Democratic dissent for this idea, is that the additional money NASA needs be taken out of (a) the military budget, which should be severely gutted anyway and put towards better uses like healthcare, education, and actually giving benefits to all those veterans we seem to have forgotten, and (b) a rollback of the Bush tax cuts of the last three-and-a-half years. The money's there; it's just in the hands of the military-industrial complex. If we're going to keep it there, we might as well do humanity some good with it instead of developing newer and bigger ways to blow each other up. The neocons will hate it; but then, I figure, if the neocons hate you, you must be doing something right.

Things are happening here. I'm working out a lot. I'm writing a movie. I'm producing a series of one-act plays. I'm lighting another movie. Life is busy. Alas.

For those who were wondering, Alisa and I are still together, in the metaphorical sense, and still like one another very much. Ignore the rumors of my budding romance with Cher. They're simply not true.

posted by jimmy at 13:26 - Read comments here!

1.13.2004

I just worked out. I'm so proud of myself.

It turns out, though, that I'm not as healthy as I thought I was... they do this introductory personal training session thing at the health club I just joined, and I found out I'm at 21.7% body fat, and I weigh 198 pounds. 198! To think that three years ago I was a slim and efficient 180. Guess I'm getting festively plump (it's my winter weight). It also turns out that I should be eating four small meals a day, taking some kind of multivitamin, and probably not eating so much fast food. (Okay, so Trainer Guy(tm) didn't tell me that last one. I guess he figured it was self-explanatory.) I know they want you to feel like crap about your body (so as to sell you personal training sessions, which I'm too poor to afford anyway so it's not a temptation), but still... those kind of numbers don't lie.

So now that my "fat moment" is done, I can continue. Yep, new design. If you haven't already commented on it, comment on it.

Also, things are starting to move for the night of one-acts I'll probably be producing here at Fuller... we have an organization meeting sometime Thursday, so we're getting right on the ball here with things. Things are also moving forward on a film project I'll be involved in outside of class (I'll probably be doing the lighting and hopefully a little acting too), so the whole "Jim doing art stuff" thing is rolling on. This is exciting.

I was struck by something today as I've been reading several other blogs and such, and that is the remarkable revelation that the Bible isn't the Word of God. Jesus Christ is the Word of God. (John 1 says so pretty bluntly.) The Bible - while still divinely inspired - isn't the Word of God, but is a witness to the true Word of God, who also communicates with us via the Holy Spirit through our consciences, through science, through reason, through culture, and through art, to greater or lesser extents. It's the most reliable witness we have to God, being as it is divinely inspired and infallible, but it is still a witness - among other witnesses - to the true Word of God. If we put our faith in the Bible it will fail us, because in the end it's just a book and doesn't do anything but sit there; if we put our faith in the One to whom the Bible witnesses, the true living Word, we will live forever. That's my religious soapbox moment for the night. Let all the evangelicals commence thumping me with their Bibles.

Now all I need is a job.....

posted by jimmy at 18:55 - Read comments here!

1.11.2004

In case you didn't notice, things look different around here. It's a new look for a new year, or something like that. What does my audience of seven think?

posted by jimmy at 23:26 - Read comments here!

1.08.2004

So Pete Rose is in the news again, and I'm sure you're all clamoring to know what I think. And you're going to get it. Yeah.

I think he should never be allowed to manage baseball again, that he should never be readmitted into the game of baseball. The way in which he has dealt with the gambling issue for the last 14 years, as well as his gambling on his own team in the first place, should preclude him from ever again being in a position to affect the outcome of a game. Perhaps MLB can hire him as a spokesman, have him throw out some first pitches, go around the country talking about how gambling on baseball damages the sport; but he should never manage again.

However, for his achievements as a player alone, Pete Rose deserves a spot in the Hall of Fame. He was one of the best players ever to play the game. He holds the all-time record for career hits. Nobody can deny that if it weren't for his gambling later in his career as a manager, he would have made the Hall the first year he was eligible. This, I believe, is justification enough for him to be elected to the Hall - with no mention of his career as a manager. Remember him for his achievements as a ballplayer - just as we remember Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, and other questionable characters as ballplayers. Also make him the subject of a permanent display in Cooperstown about the dangers of gambling on the sport.

So, on to other news; one of my favorite people, Pat Robertson, apparently had a divine revelation that GWB is going to win this election "in a walk." There are very few things that make me more angry than supposed Christians claiming with divine authority that God favors one political side or the other.* It's one thing to say that the policies of a certain party are more in line with Christian beliefs than another, but to say that God is firmly on the side of Bush - there's this thing called the Second Commandment** which talks about using God's name in vain, which seems almost as if it was specifically written for this situation. I think that Mr. Robertson is either a victim of Satanic deception (if he truly was told this), or guilty of blasphemy (if he wasn't). Or he's right, which he very well may be, that God does want GWB to remain in power. That doesn't say anything about his moral quality or "blessedness"... God raised Nero up in to power too.

And finally, I realized that I forgot one of my New Year's resolutions the other day, and that is to fill my life with music. I have so much freaking music on my hard drive and on CD's, and yet much of my time is spent in silence. I need to start just turning on music when I'm hanging out at home, or carry my Discperson with me whenever I'm out roaming. This will undoubtedly be good for my mental, physical, and spiritual health, because I like U2.

Oh, and Alisa's here, and that makes me happy. She's only here for another two days, though, and that makes me sad. But she's still here now, and I get to enjoy what time with her I have left until we start doing the "flying-across-the-country-for-a-weekend" thing we both love so much. So that's that. She's pretty.

*Okay, I know someone's going to mention this, so I'm going to get it out of the way. Yes, I believe God was anti-Hitler. But it's a long way from Nazis to Democrats, and anyone who equates the two is guilty of almost criminal small-mindedness.
**I am also aware that there is some controversy as to whether this is the Second or Third Commandment. I'm using Second because it sounds cooler. Besides, the number doesn't make it any less true.

posted by jimmy at 17:29 - Read comments here!

1.05.2004

Okay, so I'm a little late in updating. So sue me. I'm also not going to have Rose Bowl pictures up for a few more days at least, because I have to process them and refine them and edit them so it looks like Michigan won the game.

Seriously, though, the Rose Bowl was an incredible experience. I guess I'm kinda desensitized to the whole "really huge stadium" thing since I go to games at Michigan Stadium (which is about the same size as the Rose Bowl) but still there was a kind of enormity to the event that was really cool to see. Sure, the outcome of the game could have been a little better, but Michigan got beat by a team that was clearly better, who deserve a slice of the National Championship, so there's no shame in that. We knew we didn't have the best team this year... we were just happy to be in the game and have a shot.

There was also this New Year's thing that happened beforehand. Alisa and I went to a party where we were by far the least cool people there, so we left.

As promised, I've made some New Year's Resolutions(tm) to keep up. I've never made New Year's Resolutions(tm) before, so this is somewhat new to me. But I have made (and broken) ambitious self-improvement plans in the past, so I think I'm qualified to make those resolutions now. Here they are:

Get in shape. Not that I'm out of shape, or that I need to lose a lot of weight (tho' I could be rid of a pound or two from my belly and face), but I'm not in shape at all and if I'm going to plague the world with my opinions and insights for another 70-80 years, I need to be in good physical condition so as to not die before that, and that means I should start doing some kind of exercise other than walking to and from school every day.

Eat better. See above.

Do more God stuff. I know that because I'm in Seminary, everyone has this idyllic image of someone who prays for at least an hour at his bedside every night and reads eight books of the Bible a day and sees images of the Madonna in his pizza (which I shouldn't be eating, see above), but I get home and I'm just as busy and exhausted and lazy as the rest of you. I lay down, think some spiritual thoughts, try to pray, and fall asleep in the middle of that exercise. I need to not do that so much, especially as I am in training to be a spiritual leader of sorts (whatever vocation I end up in.)

Read and write. It isn't that I can't read or write (though the quality of this blog would say a great deal about my lack of writing skills), but that I don't read or write enough. I have a whole shelf of books I've never read in their entirety, and others I have read but didn't understand and so should read again. I also have a whole bunch of notebooks that are begging to be filled with insightful prose, or at the very least doodles of Coke cans.

Get a job. This one speaks for itself.

Be more charitable. Lack of any form of income has crippled any charitable efforts on my part in the past few months, but as I plan to rectify that (see above) I also need to look at how much I'm giving to those in need. I'm surrounded by them every day and usually try to keep a buck or two handy in my coat pocket for any homeless person who should ask for it, but I haven't even been doing this enough, and there are a lot more needy people out there. I'm thinking of sponsoring a child through Christian Children's Fund, as well, because kids in far-flung places need my help. I would urge all my readers to do likewise, particularly if they're the types who believe that individuals, not our government, should be in the social justice business. I'm not saying those types don't give anything to charitable causes (I'm well aware they do), I'm urging everyone to give more. Huzzah for humanitarianism.

Okay, those are my New Year's Resolutions(tm). What I need you - my faithful audience of five or six - to do is to keep me accountable to these things, because no man is an island (except Krakoa, the Living Island) and it takes a village to help a Seminarian... or something like that, I'm told. In any case, shoot me an email every month or so to make sure I'm doing these things, so I don't become one of those people who makes resolutions and breaks them, which I already was anyway.

Happy New Year.

This entry brought to you by the James Gilmore Needs To Do Something With His Life Foundation. The JGNTDSWHLF: Making Futile Self-Improvement Efforts Since 1979.

posted by jimmy at 10:00 - Read comments here!

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