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Welcome to mistersite.net, home of... well, something unique, I hope. Be sure to check out all those lovely links to the left to see who I am, what I do, and what I like. Read my blog too... it's right under this paragraph. And leave a comment, so I know you've visited.
So I guess it was too much for me to ask that I'd be able to exercise with impunity... I've been sore as all get-out both yesterday and today from the racquetball. Hopefully as I play with more frequency the soreness will subside. Otherwise, I'll be hurting a lot, because I quite enjoy the sport and don't want to quit for some stupid muscles.
And on to the protest. When I got to the school around 2 yesterday the protest march was just beginning, and so I decided to forgo La Estrella in favor of participating in democracy. Despite the fact that I would have liked to see Arthur's show, I think I made the right decision to march with the anti-war protestors. As wonderful as I'm sure the ballet was, this is far more important an issue; real lives are on the line here, and I wanted to voice my opinion.
Go ahead, say it. Say we're not supporting our troops by marching against war while their lives are on the line. Say we're providing "aid and comfort" to Saddam Hussein, as David Horowitz has said. But I tell you that when the speaker asked how many people there had family or friends in the military, 90 percent of the marchers' hands went up, including my own. I don't believe that we're in any way undermining our troops in Iraq at all by protesting the war; in fact, I think we're acting in their interests, by trying to get them out of the paths of bullets and bombs and back into the USA.
The fact is that the anti-war protestors, like the pro-war activists, are standing up for what they believe is right. I believe that war is wrong, that this war is wrong, that it is dangerous for Americans, Iraqis, and the rest of the civilized world. I believe that this is one of the largest mistakes America has ever made. I believe that more people are going to die as a result of this war than Saddam Hussein could ever have killed on his own. And I believe that it is not only my right, but my duty, to speak out in the face of something I see as morally wrong.
If being pro-human makes me anti-American, then so be it. That's what I am. But I'm not going to pretend a white life is worth more than a brown life, or that war is better than peace, or that preemptive war is ever justified. I'm not going to pretend that what the Bush administration is doing is right; I'm not going to allow myself to be silenced. If you want to call that anti-American, then be my guest. I, however, believe that this is very much in line with the ideals America has stood for.
I'm proud to have marched against war. I'll probably do it again. So long as this unjustified and illegal war continues, I will speak against it. I will speak for the innocent Iraqi civilians dying in US bomber raids; I will speak for the future citizens of the world, who will have to live with the terrible precedent the United States has set. For the worst thing I could do would be to remain silent.
posted by jimmy at 14:49 -
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Last night, I was introduced to a wonderful sport: racquetball. Me and some guys from church went to the rec to play, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite the fact that my arms and my legs hate me this morning and are punishing me by being sore. More significant than that is that I spent over 2-1/2 hours doing strenuous physical activity and LIKED IT. This is weird for me.
Today's going to be a busy day... I'm going to see Arthur Ross's dance La Estrella (which I hear is magnificent), catch up with an anti-war rally in town, then perform with the Shatners. Tomorrow... schoolwork. So I'll probably be recapping today for y'all tomorrow, since I'll need a break from writing my remaining four book reviews for Theatre History. (But after those are done, I don't have any more big assignments due until the 26th! This is going to be a relaxing two weeks.)
How am I doing? Okay. Not much going on, just putting on my plodding-shoes and plodding through the next few days, just to get them done. Head-wise, I'm fine, as well-balanced as I've ever been. Clouded thoughts - par for the course during high-school-stress periods - have sunk in, but hopefully those will clear up by Monday or Tuesday and my thoughts will be mostly sunny. (I have to confess that that isn't the first time I've used weather-forecasting jargon to describe the goings-on in my head.)
posted by jimmy at 10:14 -
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Just found another really interesting site... it's the blog of a soldier in the Iraqi conflict. Thought-provoking stuff. I think it's important for people on both sides of the debate over war to put a human face on the people who are actually over there, bravely risking death for something they believe in. While I don't support the administration's war, I do support the soldiers who have to fight it. Pray for our soldiers; pray for our leaders; pray for our world.
posted by jimmy at 09:09 -
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Hey, Read this. I found it on one of my favorite discussion sites and I'm afraid it's going to get deleted there, so I mirrored my own copy. Sure, it's biased, but what isn't these days? At the very least it will get some heads talking again, which is what we need to keep doing about this war. The mere fact that our soldiers are fighting over there now does not mean that we shouldn't continue to debate the merits of war in public - in fact, now that even more lives are at stake, it's even more vitally important to have a public discussion on the matter.
posted by jimmy at 04:20 -
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(Looks like comments are back up.)
posted by jimmy at 18:49 -
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For some reason, comments don't seem to be working right now... I'll get on that sometime tonight. For now, just read and think over what you're going to say tonight when I get them back up, so you can leave me multitudes of words when this works again.
posted by jimmy at 07:11 -
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I haven't written in here in a while, and there really isn't a good reason except that school is killing me and I had a show opening this weekend. I guess those are two good reasons.
So, Vinegar Tom. All the feedback I've heard has been positive. The cast say it's going really well. I'm going to see it tomorrow, for the fifth time in the last seven days... from the lighting booth. (My board op has something she needs to do and can't be there; I'm subbing for her because that's just the type of guy I am.) So we strike tomorrow, and then I'm done with production until (hopefully) July and Huron Playhouse. Come Wednesday, I don't have any more homework (paper-wise) for almost a whole month. So I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands... anybody out there in the area want to spend some of it with me? I've sorely missed being all social and junk.
In my more personal life, I've been brought to task by a friend about some attitudes I have, and it's been producing a lot of thought in me, and that's a good thing. Self-examination is always a healthy thing, because it leads to a greater self-knowledge. In this particular case, my friend remarked that I'm obsessed with finding a significant other. I'm not quite sure that's the case. While I do hope to be married at some point in my life, and would rather it be sooner or later, I'm perfectly comfortable being single right now. I'm not actively looking for someone, either, in that I really don't devote any of my energies to that pursuit. I do, however, think about the fact that I am at some point in the future going to be in a relationship, and try to build myself into the kind of person who would be a good boyfriend/husband/father/what-have-you. Considering that my relationship with my future wife is the second most important relationship I'm ever going to get into in my life (the first is with Jesus) I think that to spend time preparing for it now - while there doesn't appear to be anything on the horizon - is not only acceptable, but probably very wise. If I don't think about things now, when I'm not being affected by attraction to anyone in particular, I can set the kind of guidelines I need to have for when I am affected by said attraction.
So, in response to the person with whom I was having that conversation, I don't think I'm obsessed with finding someone. Yes, I'm at times frustrated by the fact that there doesn't seem to be anyone on my horizon, and yes, I do think that my happiness would be greater in a relationship than it is now (if I didn't, then getting into a relationship wouldn't be wise, because I'd be decreasing my happiness), but that doesn't make me obsessed, and doesn't mean that I'm not happy now where I am. The fact that I think about these things - along with all the other things I think about in my life - is part of who I am.
Oh, and I still don't like President Bush or his war, and intend to vote against him in a year and a half, as is my right.
posted by jimmy at 22:56 -
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WA-
(headline continued in next entry)
posted by jimmy at 20:47 -
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10 points to anyone who gets the reference in the above entry.
So... war. I have a heavy heart tonight. We're bombing and shooting, and the killing has started. I'd like to take this time to register my disappointment with the leadership of every country on the face of the planet, because not a single one of them could manage to look past their own stupid narrow self-interest and see the bigger picture, that war is bad for all humanity, and press for a peaceful solution to the Saddam situation. When will humanity get to the point where we can resolve our problems without killing each other? When will we have peace?
posted by jimmy at 20:47 -
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There was a comment on this, but I've deleted this post once and the comment was lost. Sorry.
So, to write more now that my initial anger has died down into something approaching extreme disappointment...
I'm not feeling all that up today. The day started well, alright - I woke up early, walked into school in the sun and warmth, it was downright pleasant. But some well-deserved flak from my theatre history prof, the stress of the workday and afterwards, and the whole preemptive illegal war thing my country just basically declared really wore me down. It's getting harder and harder to stay positive, what with all the hot air coming out of Washington and the stress building up in my life and concerns about the people in my life and money and everything.
I'm beginning to slip into a bad apathy pattern again, and it's seriously concerning me. I just get to this point about midway through the semester when I don't care about anything anymore, I don't care about putting out quality, I just want to get the schoolwork and the social "work" and the other stuff in my life done so I don't have to think about it anymore. I stop caring about myself, stop caring about others, and retreat into the shell of my own consciousness, forgetting that the world outside me is real and treating it as if it's just so many things.
These are the points when I begin to doubt everything but God - I doubt that I exist, I doubt that others exist, I doubt that the world around me exists. I start asking myself who I am, I look in the mirror and have an identity crisis, I worry for no reason and can't think clearly because my brain's just too tired from running around in circles. I pray and pray, but help doesn't seem to come. Is this the cross I have to bear? Is this something God has put in my life to make me more dependent on Him? I see all the other people out there, people who have some kind of self-image and some kind of other-image, and who know where the boundaries between self and not-self are, who can live a normal life because they're not trapped in the prison of their heads. And I wish I was them. Sometimes I think I'd give it all up - whatever I have, what little intelligence and charisma and artistic talent I have - just to be normal, just to know what it feels like to know who or what I am, just to know what it feels like to connect with another human being. And it sucks, being so isolated, feeling like an island in a sea of people I'll never know because I can't get outside my own head.
It's not like I'm sick or anything, I just get like this sometimes. The mind has a way of magnifying even the slightest depression such that it seems huge. It's quite bothersome.
That and the whole war thing. Stupid war.
posted by jimmy at 05:49 -
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I can't believe it. We're actually going to do it. The United States of America is actually going to go to war against Iraq. I am so ashamed to be an American right now, so ashamed that this war is being pressed in my name, for I do not support it.
To be honest, this whole thing sickens me. It sickens me that thousands of innocent Iraqis will die so that the Bush administration can save us a few bucks at the pump and get re-elected. It sickens me that the French hypocrites, who had a chance to allow this to come to a peaceful solution by shortening inspection times and perhaps calling Saddam to task, have instead stood obstinate while they made money off of Saddam's evil regime. It sickens me that Saddam is still in power - but it sickens me even more that our world leaders, the people we have elected, could not find a peaceful way of getting him out of power. I can honestly say that I support nobody in this war, or that I support humanity; I support the innocent Iraqi who will die from our bombs, the innocent Israeli who will die from the terror backlash in that country, the innocent Palestinian who will die in Israel's revenge, the innocent American who will die on the battlefield, the innocent Briton who will die in terror attacks. I am saddened that this has come to pass, even as I wish our troops a swift victory so that we can get back to the business of building rather than destroying. But alas, I fear that this will not be the case.....
Tonight is one of the saddest nights I can remember. Please, readers, whether you believe in God or not, pray for the world tonight. Pray for humanity. I fear we will unleash something that we cannot contain or control.
posted by jimmy at 18:24 -
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 | This is one bad, bad man. |
I have just one thing to say, and that is that John Ashcroft is bad. I know, I know, I probably shouldn't criticize our Dictator-General lest I be put on some terrorist watch list, have my phone line and Net connection tapped, and be secretly arrested and shipped to Guantanamo Bay as an enemy combatant, but I feel the need to speak out against him. For someone who claims to be defending and upholding the Constitution, he is the primary force working against it.
Let's see what Ashcroft has done here... He has declared captured Afghans "unlawful combatants" rather than prisoners of war and thus not being subject to Geneva Convention protections. He is holding American citizens as "unlawful combatants" and denying them their rights to counsel and a quick trial by jury and held indefinitely - with judicial approval. He has an FBI which is able to monitor your Internet and phone connections with a secret warrant issued by a secret court, which can go to your public library and demand that they turn over the books you've checked out - and if the library tells anyone about this, it's a felony. Every time the Bush administration looks like it's in trouble, another terror threat comes out and we go to Code Orange. He has forgotten states' rights - a cause he championed in Missouri - by going after medical marijuana users and growers in California. In no fewer than eight cases, he has demanded that federal prosecutors push for the death penalty, when the prosecutors on the case were going to go for life imprisonment or less. He even floated the idea - fortunately withdrawn, but we never know when it'll come back - of the creation of a Stasi-like secret police and informant system in the US.
Let's face it: John Ashcroft is a great threat to the Constitution. Even if I wasn't already going to vote against Bush in 2004, I would just to get John Ashcroft out of the position he's in. This man is dangerous, and if he is allowed to continue as attorney general for four more years we will see even more of our civil liberties disappear. So I'm encouraging my reading public - all three of you - to support alternatives to this administration, already. Election season starts now. Pick a candidate against the Bush-Cheney-Ashcroft-Rumsfeld regime, and support him or her. Don't let yourself be blindsided by this administration, and do the only legal thing in your power you can do to stop them - vote against them.
I think this is going to go under "rants" later. This is definitely a rant of some kind.
posted by jimmy at 09:00 -
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 | I'm going to live here next year... hopefully. |
Sooo.... California. Yeah. Nice place. Warm there. Real warm. And dry.
Want more, do you? Well, I guess the first thing I should say is that this dreary midwestern weather is just more depressing to me now that I've been out there in the mid-70 degree warmth for four days. I just keep telling myself "six more months" but it's rather bothersome to be stuck here in NW Ohio when I could be someplace a lot more interesting. Maybe it's just post-vacation depression, but I seriously don't want to be back here where it's flat and cold and snowy, where I have to put a coat and scarf on just to go outside, where the highest point in the county is the embankment on a freeway overpass.
But California itself? It was great. I visited Fuller and talked with some of the people in the program there, and I can't see how it could be a better fit for me and the things I think I'm called to do in my ministry. They're really seeking to engage art, ministry, and theology into one, really doing some neat and groundbreaking stuff there on the forefront of arts ministry, and I want to be a part of that. I'm really excited that I'll (likely) be going out there next year for school... I can't wait. And the city's fun, too... six-lane freeways for my Michigan-driving soul to play around in, actual hills and mountains (they're even visible when the smog is at a low), some of the trendiest places in the country... this, my friends, is where it's happening. I got to sit in the studio audience for the Tonight Show (I swear Michael Caine made eye contact with me a few times) and the Wayne Brady show; I got to understand the machinery of celebrity and power up close and personal. It interested me as a scholar as well as an admitted celebrity fan... I mean, to spend two years thinking about and talking about the intersection of culture and ministry, just 10 miles away from the place where so much of American culture is spawned... the idea really excites me.
So I'm pretty much decided that if I get in (something I'll admit I'm rather confident about) and unless someone makes me an offer elsewhere I can't refuse, I'm off to Fuller in California next year. It's nice to actually have a pretty good inkling of what I'm going to be doing in six months... finally something's replacing the nagging doubts that were there. (Now all I have to do is find a way to support myself while I'm living out there, since Fuller isn't going to pay me for school like BG does.)
I also got to hang out with a friend from church, Aimee, who happened to be vacationing out there at the same time... we went and saw all the touristy stuff together, me and her and her two friends. It was really cool to get to know her better... she's a really cool person, and I could see us becoming closer friends as time goes on. I'm really glad we could hang out together, because I don't know what I would have done with myself otherwise, seeing as how I didn't really know anyone but my uncle and cousin, who were both rather busy.
I'm sorry, my brain's a little scattered right now... my apartment's really messy, and that just clutters my thoughts. But I'm back, and I'm ready to punch through these last six months of school and get the hell out of Dodge, if you get my drift. So I'm inspired and a little depressed and somewhat lonely (all my peepz are still off on Spring Break, whilst I had to return early to get theatre stuff done). That's my mood.
One really controversial thought for the day, and I'll probably explain more later: If Jesus voted, I'm almost 100% sure He wouldn't vote Republican.
posted by jimmy at 19:13 -
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 | Okay, so this one time I had an eyepatch and looked just like Kirk Douglas and escaped from... ahh, never mind. |
I'm at home now, and let me just say that it's a wonderful luxury being able to publish from here. Life has been very good since I arranged my own hosting and got off the GeoCities ship. Now that the geek talk is done, we can continue with our regularly scheduled programming.
So tomorrow I leave for LA, and I'm getting things set up as I go, which is great, because I'm now relatively confident that I have what I need to get on the plane and that there will be a car awaiting me when I get there. I'm still not 100% sure where that car will be, or how long it will take me to get it, but it's okay because I've quite a while. I'm really excited to go... not only will it be warm there (ahhhh, warmth) but it's got things Northwest Ohio drastically needs, like hills, which apparently are variations in topography such that the land is at different heights in different places. Imagine that, Bowling Green. Hills that aren't just freeway overpasses! Wow.
In other news, there isn't any other news, except that all the people in my life who think I'm worrying about my lack of a woman situation should stop worrying that I'm worrying, because I'm not worrying. I'm frustrated and impatient, but it's not as if I'm tearing my hair out wondering if I'll ever find love. I know I'm going to find someone, it's just a matter of when and whom, and I figure I'd best think about these things now while I don't have a woman situation so that if and when I do have one I have a better, stronger philosophical framework in place from which to approach said hypothetical woman situation. If I'm not thinking about these things now, I'm going to think about them when I'm somewhat more... er, biased, and that won't contribute to a rational and sensible policy regarding hypothetical situations. So I'm cool with being single, I don't mind being single, but at the same time I wouldn't mind not being single either, provided the right woman came along.
I've also been having weird dreams lately. I can't remember most of them - they have this habit of slipping out of my hands like those plastic tubes filled with liquid that slip out of your hands when you grab them... aww, forget it. I'm tired; I can't simile. In any case, I've been having weird dreams that I remember having the morning thereafter, and that's an odd thing for me. I still remember one dream from several nights ago where I dreamed that I attached masonite paneling to the wall by my bed... that's going to go in the "you know you've been working in the Scene Shop too long when..." file. But that's all I remember, and some dark-haired was in there too. (It's not you, Schtein, so don't get your hopes up :-P ...I think it might have been someone I knew in Junior High who had aged in the intervening time, as people are wont to do, and now appeared to me as one my own age, as she presumably is. She wasn't one of the many I had crushes on, which is somewhat stranger). So, just in case you wanted to know about my sleep life, well, there it is.
Vinegar Tom goes. Got a lot done today; will do more next week upon my return. Still much to do. So much to do that complete sentence usage, unnecessary conjunctions / articles have been deemed waste of time. Mst. abbrev. f/ P-'s ske.
posted by jimmy at 18:37 -
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 | Could I be any more cliche? |
Alright, so I'm not 100% better, but I'm not sick either, so it's all good. I have this rather unsettling burning sensation in my throat/chest, rather like I get when I've been out running for too long in the cold and the athletically-induced asthma kicks in... but there's no trouble breathing or anything, so I won't get worried unless I wake up dead tomorrow or something.
Just got off the phone with my Uncle Lloyd finalizing the plans for my trip to Los Angeles on Saturday... considering that there's a good possibility that I might be living in that area next year, and considering that it's LA nonetheless, I'm rather excited to be going. I'm still a bit nervous as to whether all the reservations and such I made went through right, but we'll see... hopefully everything will go off without a hitch.
I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my lack of love life as of late... am I setting my standards too high? At the current moment, I really can't think of anyone I'd be interested in dating (save for one young lady who I'm pretty sure isn't interested in dating me) but at the same time, I keep wondering why I'm not in a relationship. I've got a lot of good qualities in a guy... I'm not all that bad looking, I've got soft hair, I'm caring and sensitive, I sing in the car, I love Jesus... and so it frustrates me that there isn't a woman in my life in that capacity. It's not like I want anything to happen before it's good and ready to - God will put someone in my life when He sees fit, and that's cool by me - but at the same time, the loneliness is frustrating. It'd be nice to even have a prospect of some kind, so I could feel young again.....
In other news, I'm really looking forward to Spring Break, when I go to LA. Did I mention that already? Okay, I did. Did I mention that it's not 30 degrees and snowy out there? I may have neglected to mention that. Well, it's not 30 degrees and snowy out there. It is, in fact, warm and balmy, at least compared to BG. That's a major selling point both as a vacation site and a potential place of residence. But no matter... such decisions will happen when they do. Until then, all I can do is keep doing what I need to be doing, keep growing closer to God, keep fighting the good fight and all that. Peace.
(Please leave comments. My blog is lonely. I might have to say something controversial again to stir things up if you people don't start talking.)
posted by jimmy at 21:25 -
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Want to know what really sucks? Being sick. That's what really sucks.
(Stomach bug, can't eat, aching all over, 1-2 degree fever. Not as bad as lockjaw or the bends (and yes, I know that's not a disease), but not pleasant either. On the good side, I did spend a day resting at home and watched some movies while being sick.)
posted by jimmy at 19:36 -
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 | I'm not this guy... I just played him on stage. |
Pirates is over, my stint as the King is done. Elvis has left the building. It was fun while it lasted... I got to meet new people, have fun, and now I have some form of face recognition... I've had about three people ask me today whether I was Elvis. (To which I answered "yes.") Unfortunately I forgot my digital camera (I'm not so good at the whole "remembering things" thing) and don't have any pictures for you... perhaps I'll contact some of the people who took pictures of me yesterday and see if I can't get a copy. So, Pirates is done... and Vinegar Tom begins. I'm doing the lighting design for that one, and it'll probably be occupying much of this week and the whole week I get back from Spring Break. No rest for the weary, I suppose... at least, not until Tom's over. Then I'm done with shows until at least summer.
There really isn't much going on in my life, except this continual debate in my head as to the role of free will and divine determination in life and salvation, as well as their place in interpersonal relationships. It's a tricky question because one doesn't want to lean too much to either side; too much free will and God can't have a plan (we'd always be mucking it up), too much determination and we're God's puppets, automatons who can't think or do anything for themselves. It's a really tricky question, and one I'm sure I'll be wrestling with for quite some time. Making the question more complicated is the question of multiple universes and convergence, which while they may be relatively old news in the quantum theory world are still going to have to shake things up in philosophy and theology both. It's hard to use logic, though, when the very system of logic breaks down. Ahh, conundrums (or are they conundra?) If it weren't for these questions, what would I do with my brain 15 hours a day? I'd have to study, or think of school, or something equally dreadful. Good thing I've still got philosophy.
posted by jimmy at 17:22 -
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 | Hey, look. Earth. |
It's difficult, sometimes, being me. The philosophical questions about selfhood I was turning over in my mind developed into a brief but interesting moment of identity crisis last evening at about 7. This, compounded by the first 45 minutes of Souled Out (a praise, worship, and prayer gathering with my church) and the usual Pirates really opened my eyes to a lot of things. As a whole, it was a good evening, but it left me with not a few questions about the people in my life and the degree to which I connect with them. I need to make deeper connections with people, and there are several people in my life with whom I want to deepen friendships, but I'm worried that my intentions might be confused for romantic overtures (when they're not) and that might hold the other people back from being open and honest with me. That's a continual concern with me.
It's also difficult to concentrate on God at worship meetings when someone one is really attracted to (can anyone say "unattainable?" I thought you could) has a nasty habit of randomly sitting near one in church. I pray for focus, I try to concentrate on how I'm worshipping rather than how I'm looking, but I have moments of distraction from the real purpose of the worship, and that's not a good thing. And yet, every time this happens, she sits down after me, so it's not like I seek this out - in fact, I've found myself hoping from time to time that she won't be there so that I can concentrate, not because I dislike her (because I don't, I'm actually rather fond of her) but because when she's there I find it difficult to ignore her.
In other news, I know it's coming, and there isn't a thing I can do. I'm talking about the biweekly depression, which is scheduled to hit sometime today. I'm going to try a different approach this time... last time, I tried to isolate myself, to have no interaction with others in order to not hurt/disappoint them. This time, I think I'm going to try to spend as little time not in social interaction as possible - to be with people as much as I can. Perhaps this depression is caused by a retreat into myself, and if I can keep pulling myself out, that may work. Or not. Whatever.
posted by jimmy at 08:47 -
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Log
Archives:
After
2.9.2003
9.23.2002-2.6.2003
6.1.2002-8.21.2002
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